Feature & Follow

 This week at Parajunkee's Feature & Follow we are asked:

What blogger inspires you?  It can be any kind, it doesn't have to be a book blogger.

A:  Jessica Valenti -- 110%.  I was introduced to Valenti's blog and Feministing (which she founded!), through a university course many years ago.  I love that she is able to discuss feminism and why it matters in today's society in such a straightforward and engaging way.  He writing have sass and an attitude that I just cannot get enough of.  I have blogged about her published books repeatedly over the years - check some of them out if you like :)

Yes Means Yes!
Purity Myth
He's a Stud, She's a Slut

Why Men Love Bitches

Argov's Why Men Love Bitches is one of those non-fiction, self-help-y books that circles of female friends often pass around.  I remember my friend recommended it to me years ago. If I must guess it was around early 2007 when she burst into my workplace claiming that I had to read this book... it was just that good.  And, with  a title like its own, I clearly remember the first day it was introduced to me.

But, what was all the fuss about?

Argov claims that women all-too-often become dependent and much too obliging to the men they date.  Argov suggests that men will have fun with the gals who are that way... but they won't keep them.  Who do men fall in love with?  Bitches.  Not the girl who gives everything up, but the girl who stands her ground, is independent, and has respect for her body and mind.

Yes Means Yes!

Jessica Valenti and Jaclyn Friedman's collection of essays in Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power & A World Without Rape is an engaging, fast-paced exploration of sexual assault in contemporary North America.  The work contains twenty-seven essays written by various authors which seek to understand issues central to sexual assault such as consent, virginity, the media, stereotypes, race, and sexual orientation.  Yes Means Yes! echoes the personal tales of many different lifestyles.

Valenti's Purity Myth

"While boys are taught that the things that make them men - good men- are universally accepted ethical ideals, women are led to believe that our moral compass lies somewhere between our legs.  Literally." (Valenti, 2009, p. 13)

Virginity is a  convoluted subject.  What is the act that marks the loss of virginity?  Why does North American culture suggest that all females must be good, wholesome girls who wait to 'lose' their virginity on their wedding night while our culture is so sexualized in and of itself?  How do we, as young women, balance these two contrasting roles - the highly sexualized and the highly de-sexualized persona of womanhood?

Objectification & Sexualization

When I visited Facebook this morning my home page contained a link to an article about the use of Photoshop and the modeling world. You can view it here.

My take:

Photoshop is only one expression of the messed up standards in society. But, it's probably never going to leave - it makes too much money due to the men who buy the images and fantasize over them, and the women who look at it and think they need the next cosmetic line, fad diet book, or some other item that 'should' make them look just like that female on the glossy pages. Photoshop all you want - just know that all you are saying is that women are pieces of ass for sexual gratification.

On the other hand, Photoshop does occur for images of men... just not the same extreme and probably not as socially powerful. Girls are taught from a young age that they're objects which should be objectified and sexualized for men (aka - take a look at your Sun (if you're in England) - you don't see any naked men in there, do you).

Chaucer Fuss - The Franklin's Tale

It seems that all of my comments on The Canterbury Tales revolve around the status of medieval women. "The Franklin's Tale" is no exception.

"The Franklin's Tale" is my least-liked story from The Canterbury Tales. Within these pages, Chaucer tells the tale of countless women in history. He seems to suggest that women should be free.... but then proposes that wholesome women will commit suicide rather than be defiled by men.

Chaucer Fuss - The Clerk's Tale

"The Clerk's Tale" is a story that I secretly love. Why secretly? Because this work seems simultaneously degrading and progressive for women.

The Clerk's Tale focuses on the relationship within a nuclear family. The husband is shown exercising ultimate control over his wife's actions... including persuading her to agree to the murder of their two children.

Chaucer Fuss - The Wife of Bath's Tale

I think most people vision medieval England as an era of strict morality, high religion, and chastity belts. And, to be honest, medieval England does not bear a resemblance to the highly sexualized culture of contemporary England. However, the England of the 1300s was sexualized in its own way.

"The Wife of Bath's Tale" portrays the sexual life of a woman from Bath. Morality and virginity were important aspects of medieval culture. Yet, culture is a fluid concept and there remained a flexibility for women to exert dominance within these confines.

Book Blogger Hop

You can participate here:

http://crazy-for-books.com/2011/08/book-blogger-hop-812-815.html

Task: Highlight one or two titles in your personal collection that have the most interesting titles!

I haven't had the chance to participate in a Book Blogger Hop in months now! I am so excited to get back at it this week... and what's better than wacky book titles?!

Here's some selections from my library:

Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl
By Sherry Argov

It may not always have the best advice, but Argov sure is entertaining!

With Hitler to the End: The Memoirs of Adolf Hitler's Valet

By Heinz Linge

I'm dying to read this book currently stationed on my bookshelf.
I'm a WWII/Holocaust history buff.

Teaser Tuesday (4)

"She can't listen to the women discussing stretch marks and labor pains as rites of passage. Everyone acts as if being a woman and a mother are inextricably intertwined. A fair assumption, since she made it herself. Only now does she know it's an enormous lie."

Secret Daughter - Shilpi Somaya Gowda (page 29)

A Real-Time Post

Hello all!

Most of you will be aware that I'm currently stationed in England. I have been posting updates (written before departure) over the last few weeks. But, I have yet to create a real-time post. A post that I have written while in foreign territory. Today's my first 'do nothing' day, and what better way to spend it than re-entering the blogging world.

So, how is the Land of E treating me?

Good News!

I am ecstatic that today is International Women's Day. I woke up this morning feeling rather dull. After making a cup of tea I ventured onto facebook, blogs, and finally to my e-mail accounts. What did I find? An e-mail of 'unofficial' acceptance into the graduate school I've always wanted to attend!! I couldn't think of a better day for me, a self-proclaimed third wave feminist, to find out (even if it is tentative). I think within the next week I should be officially informed of my status.

But, I have a confession. I had no clue it was International Women's Day until a few short hours ago. I feel ashamed... slightly. For, while I think it is great to recognize women's issues, I also think it is important to recognize the problems that all genders encounter. Equality for all, right?

Shout-Out

The other day K brought to my attention a new ad gracing the local city buses. The ad was very simple - a yellow background and white text. The ad was for survivors of sexual abuse.

But, here's the kicker that has led me to my keyboard --- the ad was for the BC Society For Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse.

When K told me of the ad I immediately searched for the website. I wanted to know more. It's not that I haven't heard of male sexual abuse - university courses on gender, family, and sexuality have amply exposed me to the issue. What was new, was that I was seeing and hearing about this issue out in the open... in our contemporary society... outside of the classroom.

So many people are silent (or snicker and raise eyebrows) when male sexual abuse is voiced as a concern. A raped man? I can't even recall a media story on this issue... or a novel, for that matter. A man with a black eye? "Oh, he surely got that in bar fight," we all assume. It is refreshing that these presumptions are beginning to be challenged in our society... and in large part due to third wave feminism.

Some of you may know that I am a self-declared feminist. Feminism, and particularly Jessica Valenti's work, brought me out of a bout of self-destructive behaviour a few years ago. Feminism addresses tough gender issues such as sexual reproduction rights, eating disorders, and male sexual abuse.

So, here's my Shout-Out:
Thank you, third wave feminism, for bringing awareness to male sexual abuse. And, thank you for empowering people to be themselves without excuse.

Irresistible

Love is a complicated affair.

Susan Mallery's Irresistible tells the tale of two young Americans who pledge to avoid relationships and love at all costs.

Walker and Elissa, partners in an "it's-not-a-relationship" relationship, are brought together through a series of unfortunate events. Car troubles, bad dreams, overexcited children, unpleasant grandmothers, and restaurant jobs lead to increasing contact between the couple. Elissa's past as a struggling single mother and Walker's ex-Marine lifestyle create commitment issues for the pair, respectively. As this is a romance novel you know what eventually 'should' happen. However, I'll save you from any spoilers.

Pink Think

How was Eastern America? Amazing. Great. It went by far too fast and by the end of my stay I really didn't want to leave. After 7 hours of flying westward I'm once again surrounded by BC's mountains and the pacific shoreline... and a fairly decent amount of August readings.

Lynn Peril's Pink Think: Becoming a Woman in Many Uneasy Lessons marks the end of my just-over-a-week hiatus from CTR.

Peril writes a compelling analysis of how the colour pink has been historically linked to notions of femininity. It is argued that pink think, defined as a "set of ideas and attitudes about what constitutes proper female behaviour; a groupthink that was consciously or not adhered to by advice writers, manufacturers of toys and other consumer products," has been in existence since the 20th century (Peril 6). Pink think suggests that women should be utmost concerned with fashion, beauty, marriage, and procreation.

Peril does an adequate job in illustrating the prevalence of pink think during the 1940s to the late 1960s. She describes the differences in children's toys (fire trucks for boys, dolls and dating games for girls), college education (academics for males, home economics for females), the differing perceptions of unmarried men and women, and the notion that men enter the work force to support a family while women begin working in order to find a husband. She illustrates western consumerism's preoccupation with pink in advertisements of female products. And she stresses that females are socialized at a young age to be timid and subservient to males.

At the end of her work Peril suggests that pink think is still prevalent in our society... children's toys continue to be highly divided by gender stereotypes, women's magazines continue to stress the importance of cosmetics, fashion, and body image for attracting a mate.

Much of what Peril discusses is similar to Valenti's He's a Stud, She's a Slut (previously reviewed) only in a more historical context. Though I am a self-professed lover of history and gender studies, I recommend reading Valenti's version. Valenti portrays similar information in a much more engaging and entertaining fashion.

While I was reading Peril's work I did begin to wonder just how strong the association between the colour pink and women's products are today. Peril's work contains excerpts of old 1900s advertisements to illustrate her point... so I went out to search through my own belongings to see just how prevalent pink is... I believed my obsession with the colour purple would make a dominance of the colour pink near impossible.

A first glance at my possessions proved my assumption correct... if only for a short time. I really have nothing, save a Maid of Honour dress, that screams of pink. But then I looked more closely. Many pink book spines shouted out from my book collection... pink CD covers for female pop musicians stood out violently against the typical black and white album artwork. The text on my romantic comedy DVD cases were bright bright pink. My collection of Sex and the City seasons 1-6 DVDs? Yes, those are bright pink, too. My Mini Mouse key chain is even pink.

Pink and femininity are intrinsically linked through consumerism. Pink is warm, flirty, fun, bright, passionate, and perhaps even a colour that suggests the shyness of a blushing individual. But can this typify an entire gender? I beg to differ.

Love the Way You Lie

Are song lyrics literature?

I remember the first English class I attended in university... it was all about poetry. I've always had a thing for poetry. Somehow a poem can sum up so much in just a few eloquently placed words. It is the exact opposite of me - I'm one of those people who tend to write over the word limit in any assignment. My professor introduced us to poetry by claiming that song lyrics are the modern day equivalent of Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales, Shakespeare's Sonnets, or Donne's The Flea. Since that class I've looked at song lyrics as another literary outlet... a much less wordy and more poetic one.

Which takes me to today...

While I was driving to the hospital this afternoon the new Eminem and Rihanna song came on the radio. It's called Love the Way You Lie (You can hear it here). You know what I 'love'? The way this song is so completely messed up. I 'love' it so much that I just have to write about it.

The song has some very prime lyrics. It glorifies domestic abuse. And I know I'm not the only one who thinks of Chris Brown when they hear Rihanna's "I like the way it hurts[,]... hear me cry... because I love the way you lie." Eminem continues this charade by discussing an on-again-of-again relationship that involves him physically attacking ("push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bite, throw, and pin") his partner who continues to say she loves what he's doing to her. Ohh, not to mention his claim that "if she ever tries to fucking leave again, I'mma tie her to the bed, and set the house on fire."

Where does this leave us as the audience? With a first glance at the lyrics it seems like the grand message here is the condoning of physical abuse.

The song shows the psychological turmoil that exists within relationships that involve abuse... the fact that the partners' want to be together but hate each other, he doesn't want to hurt her but he does, and she's upset and hurt but she loves him. Even if the song is illustrating psychological turmoil, it still promotes a very negative relationship dynamic.

Furthermore, our current society tends to blame the victims of abuse. A woman undergoing a court case to charge her rapist will have her own clothing brought under question - as if how she dressed signified she was game to be sexually assaulted. And, alike to this song, women experiencing physical abuse in relationships are often blamed for staying in that relationship. Rihanna's lyrics reinforce this idea - it becomes easy to blame her for her abuse because she keeps on going back. So, instead of a song discussing domestic abuse in a new and more thoughtful light, we have Eminem and Rihanna reinstating stereotypes that prevent those experiencing abuse to acquire needed assistance and recognition in society.

On the plus side, it is refreshing that Eminem admits he is also experiencing physical abuse even if it is only having his hair pulled. Men very rarely comment on their experiences as victims of domestic abuse. At least the song begins to address this version of domestic abuse in today's society. However, Eminem's 'victimization' is a very very small segment in a song that concentrates on a female saying she enjoys being repeatedly abused by her lover.

I find it saddening that a song like this has become so popular in a society that has large rates of domestic abuse. Eminem and Rihanna's Love the Way You Lie merely promotes violence and unhealthy relationships... and yet somehow this song has made it to the Canadian Top 20... number 17 to be exact. Honestly, out of all the songs playing in Canada this somehow reached number 17?


***** As a side note... earlier this year one of my professors sent my Family Sociology class this video of Keira Knightley and domestic abuse. Thought I'd pass it along.

He's a Stud, She's a Slut

I searched everywhere for this book... it's not available in any B.C. bookstores. I searched Washington, USA... couldn't find it anywhere. Finally, after over a year of looking, I found it on a little shelf in the Vancouver Public Library.

I must say that I was well beyond eager to read Jessica Valenti's He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know. The title either instantly intrigues you or causes you to shudder, because yes, it sounds an awful lot like a title for some loud and brass feminist book... which it is.

I was introduced to Valenti's first monograph Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman's Guide to Why Feminism Matters in a Sociology of Gender university class during early 2009. I instantly developed an academic crush. I loved that her writing was uncensored to such an extent that it felt like I was reading a letter to a friend. I loved her ideas and views on society. One of the subjects Valenti discusses in this work is North American culture and its promotion of female thinness. I became engrossed in her theories on this subject. Valenti's claim that eating is a powerful and revolutionary act for women in today's society distinctly resonated with me at the time due to my own personal struggles with food. Since reading Valenti I have proudly declared myself a third wave feminist and have become motivated to improve my own unhealthy relationship with food.

Needless to say I began reading He's a Stud, She's a Slut with very high expectations. It was a good read... but I honestly left the book feeling disappointed. This book felt like a quick rehashing of Valenti's previous Full Frontal Feminism.

He's a Stud, She's a Slut is a good introduction to feminist studies for a general audience. Valenti argues that feminism is premised on equality and choice. It is about being aware of one's culture and understanding its patriarchal roots. Feminism recognizes the inequalities that exist within society for individuals of all sexes, ethnicities, social classes, sizes, and sexual orientations. Valenti claims that change and progress are only possible through recognizing inequality and by making a conscious effort to eradicate it at a grassroots level.

Valenti's work is an eye-opener. It is also extremely funny. Among the many double standards she discusses are those involving fashion, health care, salaries, body image, humour, the dichotomy between physical attractiveness and intelligence, procreation, and the role of each partner's age in a romantic relationship.

She discusses the Miss, Ms, Mrs debate. As you can tell from my blog, I pledge allegiance to the Ms category. I'm not against being called Miss (in fact, I use it often under the right circumstances), and I will probably chose Mrs when that time comes... but right now Ms sums me up perfectly. Though it is just a label, Ms reflects the notion that my self-identity is not attached to any relationship, be it family or romantic. Men never have to deal with this conundrum - Mr covers all of their life stages. Heck, men can avoid wearing wedding rings without society frowning upon them.

Valenti also brings up the potential for social networking sites, such as Facebook, to diminish the inequalities in relationship statuses. Facebook asks all of its users to list their relationship status and even sexual orientation. I can see her point... even in something as trivial as Facebook there has been progress and movement towards recognition and equality. Talk about a grassroots movement expanding tenfold.

Valenti provides evidence to suggest that we are far from an equitable society. Her work remains enjoyable and highly amusing though it does contain facts that may be hard to swallow. However, I'd be sure to read Valenti's first work, Full Frontal Feminism, before setting out for this one.